Actors should never, ever try and start a singing career.

Singers should never, ever try and start an acting career.

IT workers should never attempt to become escorts.

Footballers should never do… well, anything at all in public ever.

The list of inadvisable career changes out there is endless. So when we heard that a mobile phone manufacturer was going to be releasing a laptop, we scoffed heartily.

However, once we’d wiped the mushed up cereal and milk goo from our screens (warning: never scoff too hard when eating breakfast) we read further and found that the manufacturer in question was Nokia and that their choice of thing-to-make was a netbook. Hmmm, we then said, once we’d swallowed. Hmmm indeed.

And ever since that day we’ve been shifting nervously in our dried cereal covered seats waiting for the day when more details about this fabled netbook arrived, and hark, that day is here, because now the Nokia Booklet 3G is all, like, official and spec’ed up. Have a look at the official page, or at this Nokia Booklet 3G review, if you don’t believe us.

So what of these details, what can we read into the specs? Well, lots. Mostly good, once not so good. All the good bits you’ll find in the reviewy type links above, but these all become exceptionally impressive when you add them to just how darn good this thing looks. It looks like a high class laptop, while most netbooks look like cheap platicky things at best, poor kid’s toys at worst. Then there’s the Nokia 3G Booklet’s battery. Or it’s BATTERY, we should say. 12 hours of use from a single charge? Yes please, sailor, yes please indeed.

As always in this life of ours, there is one gripe: that of price. There’s nothing official out there just as yet, but our keen blogging ears are picking up something along the lines of £500. Which, when you can pick up the likes of the NC10 for half that, might be a sticking point. Speaking of sticking points… we fancy some cereal. So, off to the video below for you lot.

A computer in your pocket… A PC in the palm of your hand… A desktop on the go…

You’ve heard them all in relation to mobile phones before and you’ve become weary. So weary you can barely even get up these days, in fact. So tired with the lies and the self-aggrandising and posturing of all these mobile phone manufacturers, in fact, that you’re not even sure how you can carry on any more.

Well, our despondent friend, the answer is: you should carry merrily on along life’s highway with one of these in your pocket, because the N900 is just what all these other chumps have been promising and failing to deliver all along. Okay, so it’s not actually a PC, not really as powerful as a desktop, not in essence a computer. But, in terms of mobile phone computing, there is simply nothing that even comes close. Linux-powered, 1GB of processing RAM, a hefty graphics card, high speed internet access, up to 48GB storage… we’ve four laptops sat around here from only a couple of years ago that are cowering behind filing cabinets in fear of this thing.

But the best thing about all of the above is that you can happily ignore it. Because another thing manufacturers will do is stick lots of impressive stats in your face, shout and scream about this and that, but when it comes down to it, the thing doesn’t actually work very well. Worried about that with the Nokia N900? Then just have a look at the video below.

Nuff said, right?

Well, after this Nokia N900 review, and then after this official stats page. Then that is mos’ def’ nuff said. A’ight?

Cheap, trashy, easy to strip and responsive to touch is just how we like our… wait for it… wait some more… phones! Boom! Had you there! You thought we were going to say hookers. But we didn’t. We could of, but we didn’t. Cos we are proper class here, innit.

Anyway, moving swiftly away from that legally dubious territory, the Nokia 5230 is actually all of those things, but we don’t mean any of it in a bad way. It really is a cracker of a touchscreen, with tactile feedback and so on. It comes in a selection of base colours and you can also replace the battery covers for even more choice / gaudiness. And, best of all, it’s at the low-end of the touchscreen price range.

Why’s it able to be there? Well, this Nokia 5230 review will explain it better than we can be bothered to (as too does the official page, in fact), but basically this phone is the 5800 minus a bunch of stuff. Just as the 5530 was the 5800 minus some stuff. So, the Nokia 5230 is the 5800 and the 5530 kind of trashy little sister. Which is fine by us. If you see what we mean…

Great music playing (with up to 33 hours playback – a bonus of the stripped down features not being big power drainers), decent internet accessibility, cool Ovi Mapping with the on-board GPS… there’s not much, in fact, that’s missing from this thing that you’re really going to be all that concerned about.

If you’re a flashy type you might want the very latest, the all-singing/-dancing phone, but if you’re happy with not-quite-the-best-but-still-good, then the 5230 might be right up your street.

Ah, the Finns. If anyone was going to make a functional, informative and utterly, utterly tedious video in order to try and raise some excitement about a product, it was them.

Just take a look at the…zzzzzzz

Sorry, we just started to watch the… zzzzzz

My goodness, apologies again, all we did was press play and… zzzzzz

They should prescribe this stuff on the NHS. No more Nytol for us, this stuff is better than opium.

Seriously, how did they take a feature – the face that the all new (well, not really) Nokia 5800 Navigation edition comes preloaded with a lifetime license for Nokia’s cool turn-by-turn and voice-guided navigation add-ons to the already fantastic Nokia Maps – and make it so… zzzzzzz

Even this Nokjia 5800 navigation review was more entertaining. Even the official page, no less, left us at least mildly awake.

Here we are! Helsinki’s famous Sibelius Monumet!

Yeah, woo-******-tastic.

And would you look at what she’d wearing… if her clothes were any more sensible they’d… well… they’d… here we are!

Bah. Somebody shoot us.

So there we have it. The Nokia 5800 Navigator edition zzzzzzzz

The original N97 is an odd thing, full of contradictions and strife. On the one hand, it’s a clumsy, unwieldy, clunky, basically obese phone that was given a lukewarm reception by many in the industry on its release. On the other hand, it’s a top-drawer smartphone that blows most of its competitors out of the water and shifted two million units in a little under three months, almost single-handedly (or double-handedly, along with the even more impressive 5800) keeping Nokia’s quarterly finances just mildly shocking, when by all rights they should have been utterly shocking.

We think this is due to one of two things. Firstly, it might be that the so-called industry are just a bunch of cynical old gits who like to pan everything as soon as it’s released, regardless of how good it actually is. Or, it might be because while the N97 was flawed in many ways, the public still recognised it’s greatness and wanted a piece of its (high in saturated fat) pie. And recognising that both of these are probably true, we can’t help but feel the Nokia N97 Mini is going to sell like little low fat, low-GI, high fibre, free range, wheat grass infused hot cakes. Because it is literally exactly the same phone, just in a physical package that actually feels not only good, but right. And feeling right is one of the hardest things a phone can achieve, but boy does this little thing do it.

And yes, yes, we know the mini Nokia N97 is not exactly exactly the same, but all the changes (that you’ll find in this Nokia N97 mini review) are so minor that we can’t even be arsed talking about them. All you’ve got to realise is that if you’ve been tempted by all you’ve read or heard about the N97, only to then find yourself wondering why someone has placed a small car in your hand when you’ve gone along to test one out, then the mini is just what you need. It’s as simple as that. And, simple as it is, this is why we think people are going to be flocking mini-wards faster than you can say get your Nokia N97 Mini deals here.

So Nokia has announced the new Nokia N900, coming to a store near you very soon. We found a rather excellent video of this little device in action and as with all promotional videos it looks absolutely awesome! Whether the interface and OS stands up to anything like what this Video shows remains to be seen, but we are ever hopeful. Make sure you check back here for more info on when the latest Nokia N900 deals become available.. We think this one could be a huge seller.

Sometimes phones come along that, well, baffle us a little. But then, all we need to do is try and watch TV for ten minutes, pick up a newspaper, or basically interact with the world outside the internet for any amount of time to remind ourselves that it’s not our fault, the world is just absolutely insane.

So, once reassured of that fact, we can bring you news of the Nokia 6760 slide. To our mind, this looks like not only an ugly phone, not only a clunky phone, but actually doesn’t even look like a phone at all. More like one of those split screen LCD games like Donkey Kong that Nintendo and the like used to make. But then we realise that the 6760 is designed for people who have no idea what a split screen Donkey Kong game looks like. And then we feel a little old. And a little sad.

Because the 6760 is for those young folk who use their phone more as a portal to their social networking account, as a way of sending emails, as something to use to chat to your friends. “Chat”, that is, in the sense of sending short text-based messages to each other. Not, you know, using your vocal chords or anything crazy like that. And with a heavy heart we realise that these Nokia 6760 slide deals are not for us. That neither are these 6760 deals. Or even this Nokia 6760 slide review. And we are a little forlorn… until we dig out our old Donkey Kong game and try and beat our best score. Then it’s all okay again.

Watching the video below (which you should do now if this post is going to make any sense whatsoever) made us think a little bit of all those high-octane, techno-music-laden, epilepsy-flashing Lucozade ads you get on TV now, especially for the Lucozade Sport variety. Because, we all know that Lucozade is for one thing and one thing only: hangovers. That the only reason any normal human needs to ingest that much sugary syrupy gloop in one go is because their brain is banging a marching band theme and they’ve got to get through the next 8 hours at work. However, the way that the stuff is sold to us is through all these professional sporting types using it and explaining how it makes them just that little bit more perfect and incredible.

Balls, we say. Which is just what the video for the Nokia 3720 Classic made us say too. Because, apart from perhaps the beer one, none of these scenarios are in anyway realistic. Okay, maybe the pool one too, as we’re sure you might have jumped into some kind of pool/ocean with all your clothes on before too. But apart from those, they’re ridiculous. ‘Oh, look at that, I just realised i’d placed my phone on the golf tee instead of my golf ball! How silly am I! At least it was my new Nokia 3720 so I know that as I only played a very weak chip shot it’s going to be okay. Phew!’ and so on and so forth.

But, I guess the point is proved, nonetheless. This is definitely, definitely the only phone you should consider if you’re one of those people who drop things constantly, sit on things daily, or just otherwise find yourself crushing all your nearest and dearest electronics. And, I guess, if you’re some kind of world exploring, desert crossing, waterfall climbing, camel racing type of weirdo it might come in rather handy for you too. Have a little click here for the official Nokia page, or take a look at this Nokia 3720 review instead.

Maps. Mapping. Maps maps maps. Navigation. Mapping. Maps.

That’s pretty much the take out from all the various press releases, promotional videos and everything else that Nokia have been shouting in relation to the Nokia 6710. So, if you’re the kind of person who knows exactly where they are at all times, and exactly where all local pubs / kebab houses are no matter what you’re up to, then this might not be for you.

However, if you’re the more adventurous type and often find yourself thirst / hungry / both, then the Nokia 6710 Navigator could be just for you. Coming pre-loaded with the latest version of the excellent Nokia maps and coming bundled with all sorts of locally-aligned info, you’ll never be caught short for information again. The handset also features a couple of nifty little buttons that let you jump into and around the navigation functions (called… wait for it… the navigation key) and another that lets you rub to zoom in and out of the maps at will. (Have a gander at this Nokia 6710 review for all the features and extras, or at The official Nokia page for a stats overload.)

The sad thing is though that Nokia have managed to make this slider as ugly as it is map-tastical. It’s chunky (15mm thick), a bit heavy (117g) whilst also managing to feel like it’s made from cheap materials (though Nokia claim this is a deliberate attempt to make it feel “soft”… though why anyone would want a soft phone is beyond us). Shame really, as you only need to glance at the 6700, for example, to realise what Nokia are capable of in terms of cool, understated design. Oh well, you can’t have your cake and eat it, as the truly bizarre old saying going. But at least with this you could find all the bakeries in your area and make an effort to debunk that adage.

The Nokia 6700, almost – but not quite – annoyingly so, is one of those kind of people you go to a party with. This person’s been everywhere and done everything. Every interesting country visited. Cool celebrities met. Knows about wine as well as beer. Dresses snappily but not ostentatiously. One of those kinds, you know. Everyone comes over slowly, slyly, almost shamelessly, and introduces themselves. The 6700 is giving little away, talking coyly, almost – but not quite – affectedly about their achievements and experiences. So you can’t help yourself. You chip in, explaining how, amongst other things, the Nokia 6700 classic has on it the first ever instance of Nokia’s UNC. Oh, sorry, you say, than explain by that that you mean Uplink Noise Cancellation. That’s right, Uplink Noise cancellation, something that improves call quality by monitoring not one but two microphones, the first for the voice, the second for any surrounding environmental sound, then balancing the two to create the clearest possible call.

At that point the 6700 looks at you, a little embarassed, even though you know they’re proud of their UNC, and you feel a little ashamed, a little too eager. So you skulk away to the drinks table, muttering to yourself, finishing off that last bottle of gin until, maybe an hour later, maybe a little longer, you realise the 6700 has left with the very person you were telling about the Uplink Noice Cancellation.

The 6700 is that kind of phone, if you see what we mean. You don’t? Oh. Sorry. Then read this Nokia 6700 review. Or have a look at Nokia’s official page. Or scope out these Nokia 6700 deals. That might be a little clearer. Now where did we put that gin…