Well well well, would you look at this… a genuine, no messing, real as real can be rumour, straight from us to you. This isn’t one of those fake rumours either. One of those, oohhh, have you heard about this phone that Sony Ericsson have just started whispering about whilst at the same time launching a multi-million pound campaign. Oh no, this is a rumour that comes with only two grainy photos, no video, and even an official denial of sorts. That’s right, because the LG Louvre is not even confirmed as definitely even being an actual phone yet, still as it is in concept stage, as this LG suit warbled on recently: “The LG Louvre GC990 is a great example of the type of mobile technology innovation LG is developing. This is a concept model only however, and as such there are no confirmed plans to bring it to market. As we have further details on our camera-phone portfolio or other mobiles, LG will provide information on where and when they will be available to consumers.”

So, will it get released and join the rank of LG mobile phones? Course it will, especially seeing as how gullible blogging types like us are swooning over this thing with more drool than a sour sweet tasting convention. Because this is the first of the so-called (by us) supercameraphones that actually looks like it might be a super cameraphone. Others (the Satio, one of the Omnias with lots of numbers in its title that we forget) may have had 12 megapixels or the ability to record HD video too, but the GC990 manages both. And judging by the look of the back of the thing (get image searching if you don’t believe us) it also looks more like a camera than anything else we’ve ever seen.

So there we have it… if this thing wasn’t so new, in fact, we’d be pointing you towards a video to watch, but there’s nothing even out there, apart from this LG Louvre review.

We’re undecided about the Motorola ROKR ZN50. Not about the phone itself, of course, experts that we are. To be brief: this is a typical mid-range phone with nothing much to write home about apart from a decent music player, an interesting Android-like user interface and above average looks. (Read this Motorola ZN50 review for a more in-depth summary of everything on offer here). No, what we can’t work out about the Motorola ZN50 is whether it suggests that Motorola themselves are going to survive, because (and we forgive you for not knowing this) they are up poop creek without a paddle, and its raining heavily in the toilet mountains all around.

Despite this not-too-shoddy list of Motorola phones, the manufacturer is not in a very good way at all. Too much past reliance on the RAZR, too little investment in new products and a whole bucket full of other mistakes has seen them slip into dangerously unprofitable territory. So, is the ROKR – a decent phone, without doubt – the sign that they’ve turned the corner, or is it part of the final death hacks from this beast?

Well, we haven’t a clue to be honest. We know that they’ve a couple of Google Android based phones on the way (the ROKR is running on a kind of faux-Android user interface called, strangely, ‘Panorama’), and we know that if they make a few more phones like this one, then things might be alright. But we also know that they’re arsed things up too many times in the past to trust them as far as you can throw them. And trust us on this, if nothing else: trying to throw a multi-national corporation is very, very hard indeed, try as we have done many a time.

Have a little look at this terrible video while you’re making up your own mind:

There’s not that much to say about this thing, seeing as how we’ve already said what we wanted to say about the HTC Magic only a few days ago. Because the T-Mobile myTouch 3G is one of those name-change-only phones, one of those network exclusive things that is about as exclusive as the checkout queue at Aldi.

The T-Mobile myTouch 3G, or HTC Magic, or Google Ion, or Dave to its mates, is an all-singing/-dancing Google Android phone which makes it a winner with us, even if it comes with a few flaws along the way. There’s no jack socket for your 3.5mm headphones, don’t forget. So if you’re one of those people with headphones bigger than most babies heads, then the USB converter is going to be annoying you very soon indeed. And that 512MB of internal memory: come on! The Samsung i7500 comes with 8GB! What were they thinking.

Aside from that though, the myTouch 3G is running the newer, 1.5 version of the Android OS (codenamed, for some reason, Cupcake), so all your daily Google tasks and media fun (Search, Mail, Maps, etc.) will be flying along at a healthy pace, as the official site promises. Have a little look at this video, or read this T-Mobile myTouch 3G review for a fuller rundown of everything on offer with this nice little phone.

Like someone who spots trains, collects stamps or meticulously kills and eats their victims, we take a special pride in our foibles. One of the main, of which, is the practice of reading between the lines of press releases and pages like the official page for the Samsung Tocco Lite. Why do we take so much perverse pleasure in doing so? Well, because if not outrightly lying to us, this marketing guff is at least written in a language that bears little or no resemblance to how, erm, anyone in the world ever speaks or writes. But aside from that, we also like to uncover the truths that hide behind all this guff, and present it to you, our precious and tasty reader.

For example, “With its vivid and responsive full touch screen, the Tocco Lite will appeal to consumers who want to access their social media sites in a simple and colourful way.”

See, it’s fun… Fun! No? Not sold? Not going to join our little group of press release interpreters? Bah! Fine then, suit yourself. Go read this Samsung Tocco Lite review to yourself instead. Or watch the confusingly named phone in this foreign ad that we promise is the same phone as the Samsung Tocco Lite.

We are very perceptive, if we do say so ourselves. Which we do. Because we are. And we have perceived something, in the official press release for the Sony Ericsson T715, that might not actually be there. But then again, it might be. And we think it is. Some background: the Sony Ericsson T715 is an entry-level 3G phone. That is, it’s cheap, but it’s got some mod cons. And will, because of these facts, be aimed at places where people don’t have as much money as us lucky folk in the so-called developed world. Sony Ericsson doesn’t quite say that explicitly, but it’s true. And, knowing this, read this:

“Building on our current 3G portfolio, the T715 allows us to bring 3G mobile phones to even more markets giving them high speed internet access wherever they are.”

Now, here’s the perceptive bit: the sentence at first seems to be talking about markets: we, the almighty Sony Ericsson, are bringing the almighty T715 to markets. But but but – then it shifts to talking about ‘them’ and ‘they’ in terms of high speed internet access. And this ‘them’ and ‘they’ is meant to mean the people of these markets, rather than the markets themselves. So not only is this quote ungrammatical, it’s also slightly, well, dismissive of this ‘them’. Right? It all just smacks a little bit too much of Christian missionaries spreading the Word to the dark continent. Anyway. There we have it. A little bit of perception for you. How did you like that?

Want even more perceptivity? Read this Sony Ericsson T715 review. Want even more shiny flashy Believe in Us type nonsense? Then watch the inane marketing video below.

There’s touchscreens, then there’s touchscreens. If you know what we mean. You don’t? Hmm. Okay, so there’s some touchscreens that have been added to phone’s in a kind of last minute way. A bit like when someone realises at the last minute that the party they’re going to is a fancy dress party. You know the type. They’re looking sheepish in the corner, trying to explain to someone that the piece of foil stapled to their shirt and paper-clipped to their ear lobes is because they’re from outer space. The point being, some touchscreens just have FAIL written across them from the very first caress.

The HTC Hero, however, has a screen that screams WIN from a distance. From a very small distance, as it goes, but it screams it very loudly indeed. Why is that? How does three reasons sound to you? First, it’s been designed from scratch, with the user in mind, not transported from the same software used to run a now discarded physical keyboard. That means it just plain works, just plain makes sense, and that’s good enough for us. Second, it’s a capacitive screen, meaning that it’s about as sensitive, responsive and downright right as a touchscreen gets (capacitive screens work by sensing the electrical currents in your fingers, meaning that you don’t even need to touch it – just get very very close – and that the more/less you touch it, the more/less it responds. Third, and this is our favourite: the keyboard presses back when you press the keys. So, as your typing, the keys – somewhat like real keys – seem to be offering resistance. How cool is that?! So there we have it, the HTC Hero features a touchscreen made 100% of win.

Oh, and, well, yes, I guess there’s lots of other things going on with the phone… 5mp camera… yadda-yadda… some kind of new interface… blah blah… Teflon… Teflon?! Oh dear… you should probably read this official product overview or even this HTC Hero review for some less touchscreen fetish thoughts. Or just have a looksy at this video.

The Nokia 6700, almost – but not quite – annoyingly so, is one of those kind of people you go to a party with. This person’s been everywhere and done everything. Every interesting country visited. Cool celebrities met. Knows about wine as well as beer. Dresses snappily but not ostentatiously. One of those kinds, you know. Everyone comes over slowly, slyly, almost shamelessly, and introduces themselves. The 6700 is giving little away, talking coyly, almost – but not quite – affectedly about their achievements and experiences. So you can’t help yourself. You chip in, explaining how, amongst other things, the Nokia 6700 classic has on it the first ever instance of Nokia’s UNC. Oh, sorry, you say, than explain by that that you mean Uplink Noise Cancellation. That’s right, Uplink Noise cancellation, something that improves call quality by monitoring not one but two microphones, the first for the voice, the second for any surrounding environmental sound, then balancing the two to create the clearest possible call.

At that point the 6700 looks at you, a little embarassed, even though you know they’re proud of their UNC, and you feel a little ashamed, a little too eager. So you skulk away to the drinks table, muttering to yourself, finishing off that last bottle of gin until, maybe an hour later, maybe a little longer, you realise the 6700 has left with the very person you were telling about the Uplink Noice Cancellation.

The 6700 is that kind of phone, if you see what we mean. You don’t? Oh. Sorry. Then read this Nokia 6700 review. Or have a look at Nokia’s official page. Or scope out these Nokia 6700 deals. That might be a little clearer. Now where did we put that gin…

Like those people who believe writing things out by hand or on typewriters is better than writing on a computer, those people who believer phones should come with full-QWERTY physical keyboards are, well, just plain wrong. They may deny it, they may even spit in your eye for suggesting it, but you can hankie out the phlegm happy in the knowledge that you are right, they are wrong, and that’s the end of it.

And it seems like HTC have cottoned on to the fact, because the HTC Magic, the follow-up to the first-ever Android-running phone, the keyboard-sporting G1, has done away with its keyboard. Huzzah, we say, whilst sticking our middle finger up towards the tweed-jacket wearing keyboard supporters as they weep into their pints of CAMRA-supported real ale. Because the HTC Magic is 100%, absolutely, completely, undeniably better for the addition… or the subtraction, as it were. It’s far, far lighter (coming in at a bikini-friendly 116g, just in time for summer). It’s slimmer, a Special-K-tastic 13.6mm, no more or less. And, the fantastic touchscreen thingie that’s replaced it is great. Boo-hoo Mr Keyboard Fiddler, it might take you all of four minutes to get used to the sensation of touching a screen rather than pounding some poor defenseless key. Waaaa, Mr Caps Lock Caresser, your fat fingers are too fat for the portrait mode… then flip it you imbecile, because this keyboard does what your favoured thing can’t – it rotates to fit the screen whichever way you turn it. And, thanks to the G-sensor, you can turn the Magic anyway you want, even upside down.

Anyway, that’s our keyboard-based rant over. Got to get that out of the system once a month at least. What’s that? You want more specs? More details? Bah! You’re so demanding. Check out the HTC Official page for some opinionated guff, or check out this HTC Magic Review, for some slightly different opinionated guff.

We could start with a joke around the realms of: is that a huge screen in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me. Or something along the lines of, if his screens that big, then what’s inside will really blow me away. Etc. etc. and so on.

But we just can’t bring ourselves to do it. We just can’t reader, we just can’t pretend we’re excited by the Toshiba TG01. Yes, the screen is huge, pretty decent, and, erm, huge. 4.1 whole inches of diagonal span, no less. And yes, videos look pretty decent on it (although something nags inside of us about the Samsung-favoured AMOLED screens actually being crisper). And then all your browsing and all that jazz, of course, is pretty decent and, well, bigger.

But we wish there was more, we wish the phone had something other than this frankly cosmetic wow thing going on. Something apart from a 3MP camera. Something bolder than the Windows Mobile OS. Something like a 3.5mm socket, instead of no 3.5mm socket. Something, anything else to set it apart from the crowd. Because if – as it seems – the only thing setting it apart from the crowd is this rather large screen, then we say it’s not enough. Bigger isn’t by any means always better, and that definitely isn’t the case with the Toshiba TG01. Even the battery – at 1000 mAh – is so far from wow that we’re actually quite worried about what this thing’s video playback capabilities will be able to reach. So… there we have it. No funnies from us today, because we’re kind of glum. We hope we’re not right, but we think the TG01 might just produce a whole lot more glum as people are superficially wow’ed by that screen and make the plunge. Anyway, there’s a less glum Toshiba TG01 review here, or  have a little look at the Official site or the video below for some more cheery views.

Two phones have gone under our noses recently, both of which raised more than a little wrinkled of, if not quite disgust, then certainly a little annoyance. First up was the Samsung Pixon 12, with it’s from-the-rooftops shouting about its having, well, 12 megapixels onboard. So what! we shouted back, you’re still not a camera, never will be, so there. Then we had the Aino, from Sony Ericsson. Which, while impressive in many respects, was pretty much a daft buy unless you owned a PS3. So, what about the Sony Ericsson Satio? Does it claim to be something it’s not? Nope. Does it pander to a small and smug portion of the population exclusively? Not a bit of it.

So, what does it do, and how does it do them? Well, the short answer is: a lot of things, very well. (Read this Sony Ericsson Satio review for the long answer!). That’s because the Satio is very cleverly being positioned as a phone that excels at ‘visual communication.’ A-ha! you say, I like watching videos on the way to work, therefore this phone is definitely for me. Or, wahoo! you scream, I like surfing the internet and using things like Flash while I’m doing so, this will be exactly what I need.

And that’s where Sony Ericssion have got it so right with the Sony Ericsson Satio. Because, to look at the thing (have a peek at the video below) you’d be very much forgiven for thinking, oh, it looks just like a camera, it must be primarily a cameraphone. And with the pretty damn good camera onboard, it is a fantastic cameraphone. But it is also a fantastic music player, video recorder, email checker, media downloader and… well, it does just about everything it attempts more or less spot on. So we’re all for the Sony Ericsson Satio, and we have a sneaking suspicion you will be too.